How to Remove Feelings of Contempt towards a Coworker? Ever look at a coworker and think, “If they breathe any louder, I might just quit my job and work as a farm hand”? Yeah, we’ve all been there or at-least I have. But before you start planning your new life as a hermit, let’s talk about how to stop feeling contempt towards a coworker.
Table of Contents
Practical Strategies for Reducing Contempt (I Mean “How to Not Strangle Bob in Accounting”)
1. Fake It ‘Til You Make It (Yes, Really!)
Have you ever been just roaming on the internet and stumbled on something called the placebo effect? If pretending to like someone makes your brain believe it, then why not have go at it? Smile, nod, and throw in a casual “Hey, how’s it going?” even if inside you’re being like, “bruh, I don’t like that dude”
Why this works:
- Your brain starts associating them with neutral or even positive interactions basically like building a new habit.
- They might start treating you how you treat them in return and that’ll change your pov of them.
- You look like the bigger person and no that is not a fat joke.
Buy them coffee once. Then they gotta treating you nicely now.
2. Set Boundaries
If Bob’s endless chewing sounds make you want to air fry water, then;
Try this:
- Noise-canceling headphones. Pretend you’re in a music video and everyone is a supporting cast and you’re the MC.
- Set specific work-related interaction times, don’t let them hijack your entire lunch break with their “crazy weekend story” where they tell you how the government is run by the illuminati.
- Use email over in-person convos. If Bob asks, just say, “Oh, I just want to have everything documented for clarity.”
3. Stop Roasting Them in Your Head (Even Though It’s Fun)
Turning them into the villain of your own head like they’re Doofenshmirtz is kinda funny, but it’s also making you hate them more.
Try this instead:
- Reframe the narrative. Instead of “Bob is kinda stupid,” think, “Bob might just be struggling.”
- Pretend they’re a side quest. If Bob asks too many questions, imagine you’re the main character helping an NPC who got lost and they just might give you a necklace that increases luck by +5.
- Bet on their next move. If Bob interrupts meetings a lot, place mental bets on how many times or how they’ll do it.
Understanding Contempt (Why You Want to Yeet Your Coworker Into the Sun)
What Even Is Contempt?
Contempt is basically the raid boss of workplace resentment. It’s when you don’t just dislike someone—you straight-up think they’re beneath you because through heaven and earth alone YOU are the honored one. It’s the difference between “Ugh, Bob is annoying” and “Bob is the human equivalent of a dial-up internet connection.”
Why it’s So Dangerous
- It destroys teamwork (that is unless you consider plotting someone’s downfall “teamwork” don’t ruin someone’s life bro).
- It makes you miserable—because everything that they do will make you hate or their actions more and more each time they do it.
- It turns you into the villain of someone else’s story (which is not great for job security).
Self-Reflection (Are YOU the Drama? DUN DUN DUN!!!!)
Before you fully commit to hating Bob, ask yourself:
- Do I dislike them, or do I just hate their work style or something specific and niche that you never liked beforehand?
- Am I projecting? (You’re mad at Bob for missing deadlines, but… didn’t you turn in that report late last week? Did you? Gotta ask yourself the right questions)
- Are they actually bad, or just different? They could just be a different kind of person ya know?
Emotional Regulation
Okay, so you’ve realized that maybe, just maybe, you’re overreacting and being dumb. Now what?
1. Accept That Bob is Bob and Bob Will Always Be Bob………BOB!
Some people are just… like that, they won’t change, so you have adjust around them and I don’t make change yourself I mean adjust.
- When they do something annoying, just think, “that’s bob alright.”
- Lower your expectations. If you don’t expect anything then nothing will bother you.
2. Turn Annoyance Into Empathy
Maybe Bob is not annoying maybe he’s just overwhelmed, insecure, or just never learned the proper social skills. Imagine if Bob is fighting battles you don’t know about, everybody has their demons.
Next time he bring an ostrich into the office out of the blue then just think “Hey it could’ve been something illegal”
Communication: How to Tell Bob He’s Annoying Without Losing Your Job
If Bob’s actions actually affect your work, you need to talk about it without sounding like a jerk.
- Wrong: “Bob, if you talk over me one more time, I will steal your tires.”
- Right: “Hey Bob, I’ve noticed meetings get a little hectic. Can we try to make space for everyone to share their thoughts?”
It’s all about framing. Instead of “Bob, stop being a mess,” say “Hey, let’s find a way to work together better.” See? Just like that, and after you say those words you will find yourself doing what you yourself said and accordingly to the dude next to you (bob).
When to Involve HR (Or When Bob Crosses the Line)
If Bob is just straight up toxic, then that’s a whole different story:
If they’re Harassing you
If they are Taking credit for your work
If they are Making work unbearable
Document everything and report it. Don’t let “I don’t want drama” stop you from standing up for yourself and being satisfied or get some good riddance.
The Ultimate Plot Twist: Actually Liking Bob
What if Bob isn’t actually that bad? What if he’s:
- Just socially awkward.
- Just has no idea how they come across.
- Just a nice dude.
The best way to overcome contempt? See them as human. Ask about their interests, find common ground, and if you can’t then just tolerate them.
The End
At the end of the day, you’re stuck with Bob, lul. Set boundries, change your pov, distract yourself from whatever shenanigans hes committing, just be involved with work and do your thang. GL!
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